My Son

Where do I start?

When he was a teenager his role model was a hard charging military man who could swear the paint off a tank. His own father had abandoned the family. So substitute Dad comes along, treats him well but also shows him the multitude of vices that plague a backslidden Christian.

His name was Martin. That second Dad was me.

Fast forward about 30 years. Now they are both men but one of them has turned back to GOD and has been doing his best to dispel the influence of his own wickness on his son.

The son in particular has had a tough row to hoe. As I have prayed for Martin I have often wondered just how much he has suffered and why. Surprising enough last Sunday of his own voilition he joins us in church.

This Wednesday he was evicted from his home. The landlord didn't even let him move out but had him escorted out by the police.

While I agonized over the whole situation, I heard him say that he was just going to let things go. He was trusting that things would turn out well.

Well that's not the son I raised nor the example he had set for him previously. Short of murder, I believe either one of us would have taken the matter into our own hands, using whatever device we could to retaliate against the landlord.

His mother and I turned to GOD. Who else is there to turn to when all seems lost?

On Thursday the landlord let him get his belonging and move out.

Martin and I talked today. He said he is doing his best to be a better person. He said he'll be in church with us again this Sunday.

The LORD my GOD creator of heaven and earth has redeemed me and despite me, is redeeming my next generation.
:thdavid_goliath_vic

[JustAsIAm]

That is a perfect example of what happens when you let go of the reins and let God take control.

I am very glad for you my friend. It looks like your son is beginning to see the light of God.

[Alabaster]

What a blessing to read of the budding hope inside a young man, who, in such dire circumstances would probably react as any other person who is in need of Jesus Christ. Instead we see someone with heavenly perspective blooming!

God bless! It give me hope to witness, as my own 26 year-old daughter has purposefully estranged herself from us and has had a baby girl a year ago which we have yet to meet. How painful it has been to live these last months, and now we have discovered she is expecting another baby in the Spring.

I have more hope now than I had earlier today. Thank you for sharing with us, resecoy!

[resecoy]

I encourage you to do all you can to see that grandchild. It may take time. The word estranged seems to be a real part of my vocabulary as I think about my own life. We had a similar situation in our family and have yet to meet two of our grown granddaughters or our great grandchild.

I'll be in prayer for reconciliation;the kind that comes from the heart of GOD.

[Servant]

Yes indeed, Praise be unto the LORD our God that healing is evident, with care and wise nursing, can be the ultimate journey of a lifetime for your son. Taking nothing away from God I also must say that during the times you are referring to as:
"has been doing his best to dispel the influence of his own (wickedness or weakness) on his son"
has I'm sure had great influence in this matter coming to this point.

I don't know if this will be received well or not, but I feel led to write some things that at my own first glance doesn't really seem to be directly related. But, anyway here goes. I have been involved with estrangement in many different ways, some direct, some by proxy. I have seen estrangement from many different angles and have heard many different views expressed concerning each particular instance. What I have learned about myself and my involvement is simply this; For reconciliation to happen someone must take deliberate and risky action.

For the Christian a very important aspect going into this is, of course, prayer and seeking God's will and timing. Where I have had experience in this (in the past) turned out to be prayer, prayer, and more prayer, never acting, always waiting for God to show me in some spectacular way that now was the time to make a move. There is some credence in this but in my own experience I became stuck in the waiting and unsure if I was truly hearing something from God or if I was hearing the echo of my own thoughts, then not feeling sure, did nothing but wait some more. When I did act in some small way I have experienced threats, shouting, ignoring, fits of crying, sudden illness, advice from others that I should let sleeping dogs lie, etc., etc., etc. and now looking back on those times I can see that those reactions were not as much of a failure as I first thought them to be. Sometimes what we react to the harshest and loudest is the very thing that we yearn for the most but aren't able to trust that what we are hearing isn't just another plot to set us up for more pain.

In matters of life where estrangement as well as a whole host of other emotional maladies are concerned, I find that all "I" can do, in regard to healing beginning to take place, is to clean up my side of the street. Of course first, I had to admit that there was trash on my side of the street to clean up, and what I saw on their side of the street may not have been as much as I had always envisioned, in some cases I actually thought that the whole street was their responsibility or the cities responsibility or at least someone else’s other than mine. After all I hadn't done anything wrong; I was just operating in wisdom and/or had been taken advantage of. I'm not saying that this isn't possible, but whether that is the case or not, waiting for the other side to make a move nearly always ends in stalemate.

Some may think I am applying this in a wrong manner but, Matthew 5:22-24 comes to my mind and was of great influence in my own life where reconciliation with family and friends was concerned:

22. But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice (enmity of heart) against him shall be liable to and unable to escape the punishment imposed by the court; and whoever speaks contemptuously and insultingly to his brother shall be liable to and unable to escape the punishment imposed by the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, You cursed fool! [You empty-headed idiot!] shall be liable to and unable to escape the hell (Gehenna) of fire.

23. So if when you are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you,
24. Leave your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift. (Matthew 5:22-24 AMP)

One of the things that I kept missing in this passage was the tense in which it states, "remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you". It doesn't say, anything about my feelings toward my brother but rather his feelings toward me. Then of course there is always the argument that this only applies to Christian brothers not unsaved family members. I'm not willing to make the judgment call of someone else's salvation especially if distance is a factor in our relationship, I would rather err on the side of repaired relationship through God's principles than on whether or not they are saved. I consider it a God given privilege to bring my tithes and offerings to God and I don't want anything to get in the way of my being able to exercise that privilege with anything but a pure heart. I'm not saying that I have "reached the mark" or that I have a completely pure heart in everything I do, but this I know, that my relationship with my God and Savior was suffering while estrangement and the emotions that go with it was still active in my life. I pray that God would use some measure to get one side or the other to make a move toward all of you being reconciled to all of your family and friends.

I’m not certain that what I have typed here is a clear representation of what I intend to share with you, I can only pray that God will use it and bring a message of care and concern from it, to hearts that are troubled especially due to estrangement within families. I know that as I learned and I’m sure will continue to learn through the estrangement situations I have been personally involved in that there is God’s part and there is my part. Granted God’s part is huge in this and involves God sized things but, I also have found that my part was larger than I first thought and involved man sized things.

I want to thank all of you for being here and for providing a venue for my being able to pour out what is on my heart, what I have typed here may be more for me than anyone else.

I love all of you in Christ,

Servant/Terr

[resecoy]

I don't think GOD created all of us to be monks. And I don't mean that in a detrimental since. I mean that He didn't intend that we only pray and separate ourselves from the world. He intends for us to act, seeing that He gives wisdom and has given us a sound mind.

Estrangement?

You must be living my life or reading my mail, as they say. Any amount of estrangement in my life. Some I have chosen to do something about and some I haven't. It's not ambivalence but a conscious decision. And just saying that may lead to some conviction from the Spirit.

I don't have all the answers. GOD does. Jesus does. Jesus reconciled the whole of mankind to himself through His selfless act on the cross but even He had some anquish about it. But He took action with humility, forgiveness, perseverance, truth and courage. What a model!

Thanks for sharing!!!